The following is a test to see if you can tell the physiological, psychological, and cultural differences between a Great (A)pe/Gorilla, a (B)aboon, and a (C)ontractor, good luck!

1) Bright red asscheeks are clearly visible when bent over to investigate shiny objects. (A)pe, (B)aboon, or (C)ontractor?

2) Can be taught American Sign Language (ASL), but usually uses the gesture that involves an uprighted middle digit for most attempts to communicate with humans. (A)pe, (B)aboon, or (C)ontractor?

3) Can also be taught to drive a motor vehicle, but always steers with one hand to have the other hand free to frequently make the above gesture. (A)pe, (B)aboon, or (C)ontractor?

4) Hair on back is normally 1/2" to 1" thick, but palms are worn smooth from excessive masturbation. (A)pe, (B)aboon, or (C)ontractor?

5) Does not share his social and status chits with other males to acquire additional social standing , rather, attempts to acquire more chits by clever uses of small bribes, attempted thievery, and the dispensation of sexual favors from lower-ranking females of his species that he has dominance over. (A)pe, (B)aboon, or (C)ontractor?

6) Can throw a 2-iron farther than he can hit a golf ball with it. (A)pe, (B)aboon, or (C)ontractor?

7) When in a group of other males of the same species in a typical outdoor setting, routinely makes loud whooping, hollering and other animal noises, along with hand gestures of obscene natures, when an attractive female of the same species comes into scent purview range. (A)pe, (B)aboon, or (C)ontractor?

8) When depressed, goes off into woods by self, ingests mood-altering substances, and kills small defenseless creatures for pleasure. (A)pe, (B)aboon, or (C)ontractor?

9) Typical mating rituals involves giving gifts of forest flora, sharing of food, mutual grooming, uttering of soft vocalizations, and attempted demonstrations of social dominance over other males. (A)pe, (B)aboon, or (C)ontractor?

10) Can be taught to sit at a dining room table and use silverware, but can not be taught NOT to belch, break wind, or scratch his privates in the presence of others there. (A)pe, (B)aboon, or (C)ontractor?

Scoring yourself: add up all the letter answers you gave into letter groupings; if you have five or more matches between them and similar letters in the serial number of a $1 bill in your wallet, you've just wasted five minutes of your life you'll never get back.