H. Kent Craig
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H. Kent Craig |
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Friday, April 8th 
Today "Pop" turned 84 years of age.
He has lead a good life, not a perfect life, not always a wonderful life, but a life lived within balance. He was a good man, he is a good man, he is not a perfect man nor a perfect father but except for occasional showings of the Craig family temperament lived as best he could within balance, balance always being enforced whether he wanted it to or not. I am a man of words, a poet balanced by warrior and healer, but the font of observation does not come easily to me now, perhaps because I am simply too close to him to even pretend to try to be anything less than his son. For that's what I am above and beyond all else in my life, I am my father's son, forever. Whatever I have achieved, or failed at, whatever I have gained or lost or managed to keep dear to me, whatever lessons I have learned or ignored, whatever dreams came true or will come true or be dashed upon the rocks of fate, my life glorious or vainglorious, I will always be my father's son and in the end, his testament is my testament and that's all that needs to be or should be said, the seed was planted and grew and is now a tall and mighty oak crowned by mistletoe and in the shadows of the last of his life, his progeny now awaits to take his place. Happy Birthday, Pop, and even though I seldom if ever say the words, I do love you. Thursday, April 7th 
Well, folks, if this is a dream, please don't wake me up.
Yesterday I got a call from a former employer whom I worked briefly for last year first as a high-priced-spread consultant and then as an actual employee very briefly after that and then things just kinda blew up, no, not kinda, they did blow really bad. We ended things with hard feelings on both sides but thankfully with a modicum of professional demeanor and while damaging the bridge a little, okay, a lot, leaving the foundation of the bridge intact. It still shocked the fool out of me when they left a voicemail for me at 3PM, I being gone all afternoon until after 7PM, they calling me back this morning early. In a lot of ways, what happened with them today mirrored what just happened recently with The One True Love Of My Life, Kris . . . found someone with identical values and beliefs, thought it was going to last forever, blew up really quick I think because we were too much alike in many ways, let things cool off, missed each other because we were so very similar to each other, made a tentative connection, found out immediately that the love for each was still there, so, just like with Kris except over an eight-month span instead of two week span as with Kris, apparently I'm "back together" with them, my new employer (though they said and encouraged me to keep my web conslting and design business going as well as my other endeavors) too, and I couldn't be happier. And, as with Kris, this time, I received every single thing I asked for and more. Yeah, Wow! All because I did what my good friend Michael told me to do, to give up all hope for happiness and quit trying, i.e., as hard as it was give up all ego, empty my heart completely so new good things could fill it, and they have. I have to go pick up my Kris from her trip in an hour. My new job, actually three titled positions within the company, starts Monday. Yes, I am blessed, and this time around, in both cases, I know truly how lucky I am, and I hope The Lord knows how truly grateful I am, yeah, He does, I'm sure. Blessings upon you and yours, My Friends, talk to you tomorrow. Wednesday, April 6th 
It is with the greatest of joy that I announce to the world the discovery of not the last great love of my life but The One True Love Of My Life.
For those of you that somewhat regularly and closely follow and read my blog, yes, this is the same young lady whom I wrote about in a series of blog entries that became so gut-wrenchingly personal and traumatic for about a week's time about three weeks ago that I simply removed that same-said entire week's worth of entries rather than have the world read what at the time I thought was the most heart-stompingly-painful loss of whom I was sure was "the one" for me but which at the time seemed to have been all illusion. And yes, she was the one I wrote the poem "Sacrifice Of The White Rose" for which I posted here and took offline almost as quickly and which I will post again soon, as a standalone poem in my Writing Section. Boy oh boy, did we leave it tatters. She called me "psy-cho, not psy-chic", I told her that with her that "she really should look into getting professional help, look into seeing a counselor", knowing of course that she was a counselor herself for a school. Even when she pinged me Sunday night a week ago to ask, despite the fact that she was still promised to another though she and he had agreed that it was over between them just that they hadn't formally ended things, if I wanted to play ("play" with her, not have sex, not within the contexts of how most people would view sex) and do a small chore I had promised her I would do before things got so crazy and blew up on us, and I, being the gentleman I always am, agreed to come over the following night. On Monday night, yes, we played some and I completed my promised task and kept my word and we played some more after that and just clicked again and in a fit of almost unexpected adult-ness on my part, told her that I would never pressure her to formally end her existing relationship with her then-current beau, I would never force her to make that choice between he and I, that I would be happy just being her close friend and sometimes play partner. She seemed genuinely shocked and pleased at this level of maturity on my part and to make a blog entry a little shorter and a whole lot more respectful and confidential for right now, less than four hours later during a chat session she asked me to come read and watch, she and her beau formally ended things between themselves amicably, which left the door open for she and I to become closer. Yeah, it's amazing what can happen when you at least try to act like a grown-up and while being assertive and communicative at least try not to push things, at least not push them to their illogical and potentially hurtful conclusions. Then, the following night, I slept as in sleep in the same bed but with zero sex with Liann my most recent ex wife, she and I doing this sometimes over the past few months because we were still friends if no longer lovers and just enjoyed being with each other, and during that night, and I'm not sure where this came from but I am glad I said the words, I told Liann "I release you . . . . I love you, always will, but I release you" and with that, with my "freeing" of her, I also freed myself at long last from my unacknowledged co-dependency of her. I had told My One Love what I was going to do on Tuesday night with Liann and she was totally cool with, told me she totally trusted me, and when I called her after I said the words to Liann of mutual release, My Love just beamed through the telephone. The next night I went over to her place, asked her teen-age daughter's permission to spend the night with her mother, being the true Southern gentleman I am and her daughter always liking me even during the time The One and I had been hateful and angry towards each other and her daughter telling me that as long as we didn't make enough noise for her to hear that things were fine with her and, ladies and gentlemen, we have been together every night since, her place or mine, for the past week. We're not together tonight because she's out of town but when she gets to Cary tomorrow night we'll never be apart again though we will maintain and swap-out staying at each other's separate residences for the foreseeable future for practical reasons in each other's respective lives which if you read this blog you know about mine. Even the first night or two we still had some issues, some arguments and a fight or two but once we both quit fighting the inevitable, quit fighting our true feelings for each other and just quit fighting our lifelong-hoped-for destinies which happened sometime on Friday we think, things while not one hundred percent smooth every single second have been pretty close to that but the main thing is, is that we both are so compatible with each other and want and need the same things from our relationship and both see our future together as clearly as if waking to a new dawn. With that, good folks, her name is Kris, here is a photo of her 
I took the other morning and she is now a huge part of my life and therefore will become a frequent topic of my blog so say "hi" to her if you will and it's now 9PM when her cell minutes are free so I need to go call her and I will talk to you, My Friends, tomorrow.
Tuesday, April 5th 
UNC's claiming of the national championship in men's college basketball, a triumphant retaking of The City Of Bragging Rights after a twelve-year siege that had failed until the Knight Errant Roy Williams was recruited from another kingdom to be general in this holy war to return The Holy Basketball Grail back to its rightful place on Franklin Street in nearby Chapel Hill N.C. was muted by the continued declining health of my father.
Yesterday, I thought I was going to lose him, "Mum" and I did, he just sat there with his aura and soul-energy weaker than I've ever seen it and literally just begged to go ahead and die from his congestive heart failure but The Lord decided it wasn't his time, not yet. When I called his cardiologist and told him what was happening, all he said was: "is he in any real pain?" This morning, because he is sssoooo weak right now from his heart condition, he fell while just walking, didn't trip or anything and hit his head on the coffee table; I was not present when this happened and only learned of it a couple of hours later when Mum called me. Pop, being a typical Craig, didn't fracture his skull, didn't have a concussion, nothing, no apparent injuries from his fall or his blow to the head . . . The Chosen People might be a stiff-necked people, but The Craigs are a hard-headed bunch if there ever was, just ask any of the spouses that marry into the family. While he was at the ER as he was waiting to be discharged, he asked the Doc if he could mow his grass this afternoon and the Doc told him "sure", so damned if he wasn't out mowing the freaking yard just a while ago, I saw him myself doing so, and this after sustaining a blow to the head just hours before that should have put him in the hospital. As Dr. Scanlon, his cardiologist, has told me many times: "if he dies doing something he loves, then at least he dies happy." My apologies, folks, for not doing daily updates here the past few days, it's been difficult to impossible to find the time or the energy but hopefully I'll be back on track or pretty close after today, and thanks for your patience. Friday, April 1st & Monday, April 4th No post for these day; my apologies. To My Complete Blog For March, 2005 ~~~> Complete Blog Chronicle |
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