Mrs. Kate's Brothel & Plumbing Service Company

1601 Pennslyvania Ave.
Washington, N.C. 27803


Confidential Employment Application


Name:

Now, your real name, not the one on your fake ID:

Address:

Now, your real address, not the one you're using with the chump you're shacking up with:

Circle Highest Level Of Education Completed:   1   5   9   Ph.D@Subatomic Physics   The Streets

In case of emergency, contact my parole officer at the following pager number:

____________________________________________

In Lieu Of Resume, Please Answer The Following Questions:

1) How many times were you screwed by your customers last year, rounded to the nearest hundred?

2) How many times did you screw your customers last year, rounded to the nearest hundred?

3) What was your income last year? (Please attach W-2's from your last year's tax return as proof of income)

4) Now, what was your real income, rounded to the nearest five thousand dollars, not what you reported to the IRS?

5) Please write to the right of each of the following terms below "whoring" or "plumbing", depending on what respective trade it's associated with:

5a) Petcock
5b) John, human
5c) John, nonhygroscopic vitreous china
5d) Ballcock
5e) Cockhole cover
5f) Manhole cover
5g) Blowjet service
5h) Blowjob service


6) If you charge your customer $100 cash for a service call, your employer keeps 60% and gives you a 40% commission based on Frank Blau's flat-rate pricing guide, circle how much of your $40 would you normally report to the IRS for income tax reporting purposes:   100%   50%   5%   0%.

7) Use of latex or rubber protective wear when delving into the depths of a client's personal or building plumbing system is not required by federal OSHA regulations, (circle correct answer)   True   or   False?

8) When estimating time needed to complete a typical job, "expediting" matters by massaging a client's prostate gland is or is not acceptable, standard business practice (circle correct answer),   Yes, it is   No, it is not.

9) When estimating time needed to complete a job for a client and you know they are not seeking any other competitive bids, it's acceptable business practice to screw the client, instead of letting the client screw you (circle correct choice),    True   or   False?

10) If you catch AIDS on the job as a result of job-related duties such as plumbing a client's building or personal plumbing, health coverage for subsequent treatment (circle correct answer)   Is   or   Is Not   covered by your state-mandated Workmen's Compensation Insurance policy?

And finally, now write a fifteen-word essay on why you initially chose your current profession, and why you continue to choose to remain in it. Explanations of a past severe blunt trauma to the head, a penchant for masochistic behavior, partaking of way too many recreational drugs in the 60's, or re-conditioning experiments forced on you while aboard alien spacecraft are not acceptable.



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