Top Ten Reasons Otherwise Normal People Choose To Become Biomedical Engineers & Designers

by
H. Kent Craig



  1. After quitting cold-turkey taking Thorazine for years, their psychiatrist made them find something else equally mind-numbing.
  2. After being a "guest" at the "Hanoi Hilton" from 1967-1973 during the Vietnam War, they missed the torture and masochism.
  3. Their college guidance counselor told them that biomed engineers and designers made nearly the same money and got as many chicks as their favorite rock stars.
  4. Not being able to handle the chastity-part of their priestly vows, they had find a corollary occupation where poverty and blind obedience were still big parts of the job description.
  5. They thought that by becoming biomed professionals, they'd get to see lots of naked women in real-life as part of their daily routines and responsibilities.
  6. Their father died of coronary artery disease, their mother died of cancer, and they wanted to honor their memories by contributing to the health of mankind, little knowing that most potential biomed device manufacturing employers consider designing the next generation of easy-to-use toenail clippers to be contributing to the health of the world's population.
  7. Their cap-popping "homeys" in their gang back in "the hood" coughed up enough profits from their crack and crack-whore operations to send them to MIT for their degree studies, so they could then figure out new ways of hiding "stashes" inside "mules" on the Bogota-to-JFK runs.
  8. Too smart to waste their talents becoming a civil engineer, too smart and not enough motivation to go quarter-million dollars in debt and spend the next nine years in medical school, too dumb to choose computer engineering.
  9. When they were a little tyke and on their way home from the neighborhood candy store, a smelly, seedy, filthy drunk called to them from the dank recesses of an alleyway with a "hey, little punk, c'mere . . . wanna see my 'pacemaker' ?"
  10. Word to the wise: never, never  make life-altering career decisions while not fully recovered from an Old-Fashioned Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test frat party.



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