Top Ten Things You Won't Hear From Any Principal Research Scientist
by
H. Kent Craig



  1. What's next on the schedule? . . . my team's going to be through with their current project at the end of this week, a full sixty days ahead of the target date.
  2. What's the procedure for ploughing back allocated project funds to accounting? We don't need to spend the last 18.7% of our budget.
  3. No, I don't think I'll go on that manufacturer-sponsored three-day aahhheemmm . . . "seminar" at Hilton Head.
  4. I'm sorry, Mr. Jones VP Of Finance, your idea for my team to spend half a million dollars of our company's money researching the sex life of South America poisonarrow frog dermal parasites is just plain stupid.
  5. What a night! I came in at 11 p.m. last night and worked until dawn to fix that out-of-phase HPLC, just so I wouldn't have to bother Lab Maintenance.
  6. We really don't need those two benchtech positions filled, we're more than overstaffed as it is.
  7. Oh, it's okay, it was just a slip of the tongue, I really don't mind being called a "whitecoat" behind my back.
  8. Sorry, Mr. Smith VP Of Marketing, no, I didn't apply for that $3,000,000.00+ Federal Grant for our team to study the effects of sudden massive total oxygen deprivation on homo sapiens subjects, because any dumbass knows that no 02 equals death.
  9. Sure, my team and I'll work for 48 hours straight without food or sleep due-diligencing those last GLPs for our ISO Certification, if that's what it'll take to make the boss happy.
  10. I just love my career so much, I don't think I'll ever retire!



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