A Plumbing ~ Heating ~ Cooling ~ Electrical Contractor's Valentine's Day Song, by H. Kent Craig

A Plumbing ~ Heating ~ Cooling ~ Electrical Contractor's Valentine's Day Song by
H. Kent Craig
Sung more or less to "The Twelve Days Of Christmas"

On the fourteenth day before Valentine's Day, my plumbing ~ heating ~ cooling ~ electrical contracting sweetheart gave to me...
- A Roto-Rooter drain cleaning machine.
On the thirteenth day before Valentine's Day, my plumbing ~ heating ~ cooling ~ electrical contracting sweetheart gave to me...
- A new pair of Klein wire sidecutters, and a Roto-Rooter drain cleaning machine.
On the twelfth day before Valentine's Day, my plumbing ~ heating ~ cooling ~ electrical contracting sweetheart gave to me...
- A now illegal two-pound can of R12 refrigerant, a new pair of Klein wire sidecutters, and a Roto-Rooter drain cleaning machine.
On the eleventh day before Valentine's Day, my plumbing ~ heating ~ cooling ~ electrical contracting sweetheart gave to me...
- A dozen perfect Charlotte Armstrong roses (aaahhhhh, nice, sweet) , one now illegal two-pound can of R12 refrigerant, a new pair of Klein wire sidecutters, and a Roto-Rooter drain cleaning machine.
On the tenth day before Valentine's Day, my plumbing ~ heating ~ cooling ~ electrical contracting sweetheart gave to me...
- A new 18" aluminum-handle Ridgid pipe wrench, a dozen perfect Charlotte Armstrong roses (aaahhhhh, nice), an illegal two-pound can of R12 refrigerant, a new pair of Klein wire sidecutters, and a Roto-Rooter drain cleaning machine.
On the ninth day before Valentine's Day, my plumbing ~ heating ~ cooling ~ electrical contracting sweetheart gave to me...
- Nine OSHA inspectors crawling all over my house, a new 18" aluminum-handle Ridgid pipe wrench, a dozen perfect Charlotte Armstrong roses (aaahhhhh) , an illegal two-pound can of R12 refrigerant which the OSHA inspectors threatened to fine me for having, a new pair of Klein wire sidecutters, and a Roto-Rooter drain cleaning machine.
On the eighth day before Valentine's Day, my plumbing ~ heating ~ cooling ~ electrical contracting sweetheart gave to me...
- A set of ball-end Allen wrenches, nine OSHA inspectors crawling all over my house, a new 18" aluminum-handle Ridgid pipe wrench, a dozen perfect Charlotte Armstrong roses (aaacccchhhhhoooo!) , an illegal two-pound can of R12 refrigerant that I could go to jail for merely possessing, a new pair of Klein wire sidecutters, and a Roto-Rooter drain cleaning machine.
On the seventh day before Valentine's Day, my plumbing ~ heating ~ cooling ~ electrical contracting sweetheart gave to me...
- A week's worth of his smelly work uniforms for me to wash, a set of ball-end Allen wrenches, nine OSHA inspectors crawling all over my house, a new 18" aluminum-handle Ridgid pipe wrench, a dozen perfect Charlotte Armstrong roses (he is sweet!) , an illegal two-pound can of R12 refrigerant that I could kill him for giving it to me, a new pair of Klein wire sidecutters, and a Roto-Rooter drain cleaning machine.
On the sixth day before Valentine's Day, my plumbing ~ heating ~ cooling ~ electrical contracting sweetheart gave to me...
- A pound box of Godiva chocolates (but he knows I'm allergic to chocolate!), a week's worth of his smelly work uniforms for me to wash (yeeccchh!), a set of ball-end Allen wrenches, nine OSHA inspectors crawling all over my house and wanting to be fed lunch, a new 18" aluminum-handle Ridgid pipe wrench, a dozen perfect Charlotte Armstrong roses (they weren't cheap!) , an illegal two-pound can of R12 refrigerant that the a/c system in my new car doesn't use anyway, a new pair of Klein wire sidecutters, and a Roto-Rooter drain cleaning machine.
On the fifth day before Valentine's Day, my plumbing ~ heating ~ cooling ~ electrical contracting sweetheart gave to me...
- A copy of the newest Carrier heat-loss/gain calculator for my computer, a pound box of Godiva chocolates (it breaks me out just to smell them!), a week's worth of his smelly work uniforms that are covered in all sorts of icky things I don't want to think about for me to wash (not until we're married, buddy!), a set of ball-end Allen wrenches, nine OSHA inspectors crawling all over my house and wanting to do an amateur gyno on me for a "safety inspection", a new 18" aluminum-handle Ridgid pipe wrench, a dozen perfect Charlotte Armstrong roses, an illegal two-pound can of R12 refrigerant that I'll get him to resell and take us out to dinner with the money he'll get for it, a new pair of Klein wire sidecutters, and a Roto-Rooter drain cleaning machine.
On the fourth day before Valentine's Day, my plumbing ~ heating ~ cooling ~ electrical contracting sweetheart gave to me...
- A new Fluke autoranging DMM, a copy of the newest Carrier heat-loss/gain calculator for my computer, a pound box of Godiva chocolates (I guess I could eat just one without having a bad enough reaction to warrant going to the Emergency Room), a week's worth of his smelly uniforms for me to wash (they'll burn nicely atop a charcoal fire in the grill), a set of ball-end Allen wrenches, nine OSHA inspectors crawling all over my crawlspace and attic, a new 18" aluminum-handle Ridgid pipe wrench, a dozen perfect roses, a two-pound can of R12 refrigerant, a new pair of Klein wire sidecutters, and a Roto-Rooter drain cleaning machine.
On the third day before Valentine's Day, my plumbing ~ heating ~ cooling ~ electrical contracting sweetheart gave to me...
- A half dozen Spirax-Sarco steam valves, a new Fluke autoranging DMM, a copy of the newest Carrier heat-loss/gain calculator for my computer, a pound box of Godiva chocolates (nibble, nibble, NIBBLE!), a week's worth of his smelly uniforms for me to wash (damn, I had no idea that polyester stunk so bad when burned), a set of ball-end Allen wrenches, nine OSHA inspectors crawling all over my crawlspace and attic (get the hell out of my house, this isn't a place of business, and don't come back!) , a new 18" aluminum-handle Ridgid pipe wrench, a dozen roses, a two-pound can of R12 refrigerant, a new pair of Klein wire sidecutters, and a Roto-Rooter drain cleaning machine.
On the second day before Valentine's Day, my plumbing ~ heating ~ cooling ~ electrical contracting sweetheart gave to me...
- A new tub-length Jacuzzi-brand actual Jacuzzi for my master bath (he is sweet!) , a half dozen Spirax-Sarco steam valves, a new Fluke autoranging DMM, a copy of the newest Carrier heat-loss/gain calculator for my computer, a pound box of Godiva chocolates (I wound up going to the Emergency Room anyway, but they were worth it!), a week's worth of his smelly uniforms for me to wash (he finally gave in and laundered them himself once I explained the link between laundry and "nookie"), a set of ball-end Allen wrenches, nine OSHA inspectors leaving my house in a huff, a new 18" aluminum-handle Ridgid pipe wrench, a dozen roses, a two-pound can of R12 refrigerant, a new pair of Klein wire sidecutters, and a Roto-Rooter drain cleaning machine.
On the last day before Valentine's Day, my plumbing ~ heating ~ cooling ~ electrical contracting sweetheart gave to me...
- A brand-new Chevy Loadmaster Van complete with full racks of parts bins and a rear cargo elevator, a new tub-length Jacuzzi-brand actual Jacuzzi for my other full bathroom (he is even sweeter!) , a half dozen Spirax-Sarco steam valves, a new Fluke autoranging DMM, a copy of the newest Carrier heat-loss/gain calculator for my computer, a pound box of Godiva chocolates (nearly dying was worth it for the Godiva's, I also went into diabetic shock, too), a week's worth of his smelly uniforms for me to wash (I persuaded him that hiring a uniform service was cheaper than "hiring" me), a set of ball-end Allen wrenches, nine OSHA inspectors leaving my house pulling out of my driveway still fuming about not being fed a free lunch, a new 18" aluminum-handle Ridgid pipe wrench, a dozen roses, a two-pound can of R12 refrigerant, a new pair of Klein wire sidecutters, and a Roto-Rooter drain cleaning 牋牋爉 - a - c - h- i - n -e.

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